


What’s wrong Josh?

by woa



Series: Trench fics [1]
Category: Marianas Trench
Genre: Cutting, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 15:47:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2587037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woa/pseuds/woa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh disappears after the show. Mike goes to look for him. Mike finds Josh in his hotel room. Something is wrong with Josh. Mike wants to know what. Josh crys. Mike is an awesome friend and takes care of Josh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What’s wrong Josh?

_“Josh?”_  Mike knocked on the door of room 336.

_“You in there, man?”_

No one had seen the singer since after the first ten minutes of the meet and greet right after the show that night. Matt and Ian were still signing autographs and smiling for pictures with the fans, but Mike had volunteered to find their missing bandmate.

**Knock. Knock. Knock.**

_“Dude!?”_ Mike said a little louder.

 _“Fuck. We need to start getting extra key cards”_  he muttered before turning around. But before he could go and check somewhere else Mike heard the door click and the chain slide.  Seconds later the hotel door opened slightly and Mike was greeted with the sight of Josh’s blonde and blue hair.

 _“What?”_  Josh croaked his voice raspy.

Mike frowned and moved forward and pulled the door open wider.

 _“Hey man. You okay?”_  Mike asked.

Josh’s head was facing the floor and all Mike could see was the top of his head as Josh nodded yes.

 _“No c’mon man, tell me what’s up?”_  Mike slowly moved josh and himself back into Josh’s hotel room.  Once inside Josh moved and sat on the unmade bed beside his unpacked red suitcase. Mike moved and shut the door then turned back towards the singer.

 _“Nothing”_  Josh rasped out.   _“I’m just… I’m just tired. That’s it.”_

Mike nodded slightly because yes, Josh did sound tired- he sounded drained and defeated and sad though too. Mike knew that the singer suffered insomnia off and on again, but the bassist couldn’t shake the feeling that something else was wrong.

Pursing his lips Mike said  _“Alright man, I mean jeesh you don’t look so hot. You hungry? You look like you need to eat- you and me let’s go and get something then you’ll have the next two days to sleep, okay?”_

Josh finally looked up and Mike saw something in those blue eyes that made his stomach flop.

 _“Nah man, I’m good, not hungry, I’m just gonna sleep, but thanks”_  Josh looked back down at his hands as he played with a loose string on his pj pants.

 _“Ramsay- we, I mean I know we’re really not that ‘tight’ or whatever and we really don’t hang out much, but if you’re tired then how about this: you get some rest and tomorrow me and you we’ll get lunch or dinner.. Hey I’ll settle for breakfast okay?”_  Mike reached out and placed his hand on the singer’s forearm and then quickly removed it when Josh flinched and scooted back on the bed until his back hit the pillows. Mike was now extremely worried. He cautiously crawled towards the baseboard of the bed and as he got closer Josh brought his knees up and hid his face behind them.  Mike sat down in front of the singer ‘indian style’.

 _“Josh?”_  Mike asked softly

 _“Sorry”_  Josh whispered into his legs.

Mike moved slightly closer.   _“No Joshy don’t be sorry. Hey just tell me what’s going on in that genius head of yours.”_  Mike kept his voice low and soft.  Josh vehemently shook his head against his knees but didn’t answer.

Mike was about to ask again when he heard a small sob coming from behind the singer’s long legs. Mike’s eyes widened and his brows shot up. Then without thinking he quickly moved and pulled the other man into his arms. Josh yelped and struggled for a short time before giving up. Josh sobbed openly into Mike’s chest.

 _“Shh… Hey it’ll be okay. What’s wrong Joshy? Shhh… You can tell me- it’ll be alright.”_  Mike murmured.

 _“Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry.”_  Josh mumbled over and over.

Mike hugged his friend tighter.  _“What are you sorry for? Huh Joshy? What’s wrong?”_  Mike rubbed small circles into Josh’s back.

As Mike continued to shush, comfort, and hold Josh- Josh’s sobbing quieted down and his shaking subsided. Mike’s hands stilled as Josh moved back, and Mike released the other man shortly after. Josh pulled back and rubbed his red, puffy eyes. Then Josh brushed his blue dyed bangs over them and his hands snaked down to the ripped hole in his pants and pulled at the strings nervously.  

Mike leaned back on his hands eyes never leaving the blonde.

 _“Feeling better?”_  Mike asked.

Josh’s hands stilled and he nodded slightly. “ _Sorry_ ” he whispered.

Mike sighed. “ _Why_?” he asked the singer.

Josh’s head tilted up and he furrowed his brows. “ _Why_?” he repeated.

 _“Why are you sorry? What’s going on man?”_ Mike elaborated.

Josh swallowed nervously and Mike’s eyes tracked the movement.

 _“Um… well… it’s just… I’m sorry… you know?”_  Josh stuttered.

Mike moved off the bed and walked to stand by the window.

 _“No Josh, I don’t know, what’s going on, please just tell me, I’m worried, really worried.”_  Mike didn’t look back at the singer- instead he stared out the window at the adjacent building.

 _“Josh, I came to find you because you left so suddenly after the show that no one even knew where you were. I come in here and you wouldn’t look at me or talk to me. I ask you if you want some food and you had a look of terror in your eyes when you finally looked at me. I reach out and you flinched back- then I have a lapful of you as you cry into my chest. I’m not worried- I’m scared- I’m terrified for you. Please just what is going on!?”_  Mike implored still looking out the window.  The bed creaked behind Mike and then a hand grasped his shoulder. Mike turned and saw Josh looking intently at him.

 _“I’m sorry for making you worry and for running off after the show, and for ruining your shirt with my tears.”_  Josh mumbled and looked down. He took a breath and looked back at Mike.  _“I’m sorry because I messed up. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you –or any of the other guys- I’m sorry that I flinched away and that you had to see me cry. I’m sorry that I’m a failure and that I put you in this position where you had to come find me and deal with my fuck up.”_  Josh rambled on, tears falling down his already stained face.

 _“Josh. Hey you’re not a failure, and hey we’re friends- friends deal with the others tears and fuck ups- just tell me what happened.”_  Mike soothed.

 _“I--- I cut—again- I just—and I don’t know why—and I um—I may have- no I did- I’ve been purging----- and goddammit I’m sorry Mikey”_  Josh stuttered and turned away after his final confession.

Mike’s eyes widened and his heart dropped.  He quickly pulled the singer back into his arms.

 _“Jesus Josh, how long?”_  He asked into Josh’s ear.

 _“Two weeks- give or take.”_  Josh muttered.

Mike pulled back, but kept his hands on the other’s shoulders.

 _“Okay, come on.”_  Mike moved, pulling Josh with him into the bathroom.

Josh looked around as Mike began to wash his hands.

“ _Sit_ ” Mike ordered as he rinsed his hands. Josh sat on the toilet and looked at his friend expectantly.

Mike toweled off his hands.  _“Shirt off- I’ll get the first aid kit.”_  Mike said before going out the door.

Josh sighed heavily but complied with Mike, slowly lifting the faded red long sleeve shirt off his pale body. Josh threw it into the corner and shivered at the cold.

Mike returned but froze in the bathroom doorway as he saw the multitude of cuts running up and down his friend’s arms and torso.

 _“Jesus Mary and Joseph”_  Mike swore softly before moving forward and opening the kit on the sink.

 _“Okay, um…”_  Mike looked at the medical supplies and felt lost- most of the cuts were larger than a band aid.

Josh quietly sighed.  _“ First warm water to clean them then antiseptic ”_  he instructed Mike.

Mike offered him a small strained smile before wetting a washcloth. He moved over and knelt in front of the toilet.  _“This is gonna sting a bit- I think.”_  He warned Josh – who nodded. Mike first rubbed Josh’s left arm softly, then moved to the opposite arm. Mike stopped and rinsed the washcloth before kneeling again and gently and hesitantly dabbed at the large cuts on Josh’s stomach and chest. When he was done Mike got clean, dry towel and patted the areas. Then Mike took a clean cotton swab and doused the cuts with an antiseptic.

Mike sat back on his haunches and looked up at the blank face of his bandmate.  _“Jesus, Josh, what now?”_

Josh looked down and smiled weakly.  _“Antibiotic ointment, then some bandages. I can do it if you don’t want to- I mean I know this is disgusting and I’m sorry.”_

Mike scowled.  _“Joshy, I offered to do this and really would you have taken care of this on your own? No- Joshy you’re not taking care of yourself. As for the disgusting bit- I’ll admit it’s not pleasant, but you’re my friend- I don’t understand why you did this but I’m here to help. Now arms out.”_

Josh offered his damaged arms and soon Mike was done. Josh’s arms were wrapped and his torso bandaged.

 _“What now?”_  Josh asked- a bit of fear creeping into his voice.

Mike handed Josh back his shirt.  _“You get dressed and I’m going to order some food. And no I don’t care if you’re “_ **not hungry”** _you’re eating anyway”_  Mike stated with air quotes.

Josh nodded.  _“Okay, so room service?”_

 _“Yep, any preference?”_   Mike asked as he walked over to the phone and dialed.

 _“Um something easy on the stomach? And no um nothing too fatty or um well just not like pizza or like pasta or um no seafood…”_  Josh rambled as he pulled on the shirt.

Mike had a frown on his face but nodded and watched as Josh dug through his suitcase.

 _“Hello- yes I’m calling from room 336 I’d like to order some dinner.”_  Mike said into the phone.

 _“Yes I’d like some chicken noodle soup, a hamburger with fries, and some yogurt....... Yes that’s all- Thank-you”_  Mike ordered and then hung up.

Josh had pulled out an old hoodie from his suitcase, put it on and was sitting on the bed fiddling with the remote.

 _“Wanna watch something?”_  Josh asked waving the remote.

 _“If you do? I don’t really care man, you could try and sleep a bit”_  Mike suggested.

 _“I- I - uh don’t think I can now- it’s just.... I’m too worked up ya know?”_  Josh flicked on the television and proceeded to flip through channels.

 _“You wanna talk about it?”_  Mike offered.

 _“No, not really.”_  Josh shook his head.

 _“Should we talk about it?”_  Mike countered.

Josh nodded  _“Probably”._

 _“Should we wait for the others?”_  Mike questioned.

Josh quickly shook his head.  _“I- I don’t want them to know- I didn’t want anyone to know.”_  Josh confessed. Mike nodded- he had expected that.

 _“What about Matt? They’re going to find out sooner or later and Matt really cares about you Josh. I mean he **REALLY** cares.”_ Mike stressed.

Josh scoffed. “ _I know he does. Dude he’s my best friend. But I don’t want to hurt him.”_  Josh gently threw the remote and rubbed his eyes.

“ _Hey_ ” Mike grabbed Josh’s shaking hands.  _“It’ll hurt him more if you wait. Or if he finds out from someone that’s not you.”_  Mike pointed out.

Josh’s eyes snapped up to Mike’s  _“You’re not going to tell them are you- please- Mikey don’t- I don’t want them to know- I don’t want Matt to look at me like that again.”_

Mike frowned  _“Like what? Look at you how Josh?”_  he asked.

 _“Like I messed up- like I’m broken- Like I disappointed him again. He’ll give me his puppy dog eyes and----- please just promise me you won’t tell anyone.”_  Josh implored  _“Please, Mikey”_

Mike took a deep breath  _“Okay- for now”_

Josh smiled and picked up the remote again.

 _“But Josh you have to make me a promise in return.”_  Mike bargained.

“ _Anything_ ”. Josh breathed.

 _“This stops right now- no more cutting- or purging- or anything- and if you feel like you need to you come to ME, and I’ll help- I don’t know how but I will. Because I’m your friend and jesus Josh I love you okay and you say you don’t want to hurt Matt or Ian or anyone, but you hurt yourself and fuck man that hurts me, so no more okay? Can you promise me that?”_  Mike reached out and grabbed Josh’s shoulders looking deep into the singer’s blue eyes.

Josh blushed and said  _“Damn Mike- I..... I don’t know if I can but I’ll try- I promise I’ll try.”_

Mike let out the breath he hadn’t realized  he was holding.

 _“Okay, that’s good enough for now- but Joshy if this happens again- if you get worse I will tell Matt and Ian and Brett and anyone else that I feel needs to be involved. Now can you just pick a channel.”_  Mike said pointing to the television.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I may continue this....  
> also available on fuckyeahjoshandmatt.tumblr.com/  
> which you should check out.


End file.
